The days are dropping on the counter quicker than I can keep up with. 3 days left until RSVP’s are required and only 185 days until we will all be in Bali on our best behaviour under the baleful glare of Britta! 

 

Speaking of the She-Devil, we have our next planning meeting with her in a few short days where furniture and other such important things will be finalised. Now I have to say that if you asked me about the furniture from any wedding I’ve ever been to, I would give you a blank stare and blame my autism. However, the sheer level of effort I have had to make to seem interested in the furniture selections for this event mean that if, in 5 year’s time, I ask you about the cocktail hour seating, I fully expect everyone to make appreciative noises about how wonderful it was and make a point about a particular detail you liked! You have been warned…

 

There are so many little details to tie up that I could go on for hours, but I won’t. It’s all coming together and all we need is our lovely guests to RSVP and book their tickets. 

200 days to go! Taz pointed this out to me excitedly when she opened the website yesterday. While that is exciting in its own way, I was more concerned that meant there was only 17 days to go until RSVP's need to be in....and there is still more than 40 people unconfirmed! Hence, many people will soon be getting text messages from me starting with the classic opening salutation of "Oi C*&t". But enough about that. The less people that come, the cheaper it is for me on the booze bill so there is that. We had a good Christmas break from all things planning and got to spend a magical night on Sydney Harbour for New Year's Eve as guests onboard HMAS Choules.But now planning continues despite a 2 month break from speaking with the She-Devil. Dance lessons will soon start and I'm busy trying to find a mixing expert to try and blend songs together. There's not much else to report so see you next time.

Well well well, who said that you should trust your wedding planner implicitly…

Let me start by saying that I still don’t do Podcasts and I remain firmly of the belief that Vlogs are for Flogs. That said, I have been watching the Bali Brides YouTube channel purely to educate myself and to have a clue when random thoughts on weddings go through Taryn’s head and come out of her mouth with zero context….  

Me: Sitting quietly in the backyard reading with Taryn sitting opposite doing the same…

Taryn: “I think the Tiffany Chairs in black will look good”

Me: (Inner monologue) “WTF is she talking about…don’t say that out loud…think man think…Oh shit the last episode of Bali Brides and the ladies with the furniture matching….right, got it…ok, we’re ready to speak…” “You don’t think the black with black table cloths will be too much?” (inner monologue) “Yes you nailed that bro... you are a legend!”

 Hence why I am now unapologetically watching one (and one only) Vlog on YouTube. 

Thus, I was paying extremely close attention (while playing some Civ 6 in the background) when I heard Taryn scream from the bath “They’re talking about us!”. As usual I had zero clue what she was on about so I ran into the bathroom assuming it had something to do with Bali Brides. As I arrived I heard Tristan say ….strippers are not really legit…”. Of course I couldn’t let this slight on my favourite industry go unanswered so I got Taz to rewind a bit to get the context that I had missed. This is when I discovered that Britta, aka The She-Devil of Denpasar, has serious trouble with OPSEC (that’s Operational Security for the civilians amongst you). You see, Britta was holding forth about these two lunatic clients she has that she was taking to a menu tasting and how the groom wanted a stripper pole and the bride wanted midget strippers! Now there is a possibility that on one of the other 3 Tuesdays in August, Britta had another couple with her that were also talking about stripper poles and midgets….but it seems unlikely. 

Now it needs to be made clear that it was in fact Britta herself that raised the subject of Midgets and not me! Of course as soon as she said it, Taryn who is always thinking of her guests, immediately got excited on behalf of Sharelle who we all know is obsessed with midgets. I remember her eyes glazing over in dreamy wonder as I related stories from yesteryear about the Hobbit House in Manila, so ever since we have been trying to find midget bar staff and or strippers for gatherings involving Sharelle. This is why Taryn got excited…not because of any weird fetish that Britta seemed more than happy to accommodate I might add. As for the stripper pole conversation, I had merely raised it as a question because I’d seen a bride, who had obviously been in the industry at some point, in a video of another wedding in Bali. I had no requirement for strippers (full sized or midget) for our wedding and was merely considering it as a fun activity for our guests on the dance floor in the later PM’s. 

But of course nobody is going to believe my version of events so we have now developed a reputation as the ‘Crazy Couple’ on Bali Brides (no wonder they wanted us on their reality show). I fear there is now an expectation that we need to live up to this reputation. All I can say to that is….Challenge Accepted Ladies!

 See you next time.

Hello party goers. Exciting times tonight. The (only) slightly delayed invitations have been sent and will be in your mail boxes in just a few days (we make no promises on behalf of SLPost, Royal Mail or USPS). The colour scheme is a departure from everything you've seen until now but is more in line with the colour palette (WTF is a colour palette anyway?) of the wedding. In other news, after a long winded battle with Virgin Velocity's call centre, we have booked our travel. Our 'Reward' for being Platinum members is to go to Bali for free....via Singapore...FFS. At least the 15 hours of flying time to travel 5 hours worth of distance will be in the comfort of Singapore Airlines Business Class. But still!!! Oh, and to get our free flights we have to travel on 28th of July.....I guess we'll be honeymooning pre-wedding.No news or planning updates on the ceremony itself. The She-Devil and Dark Queen are on some well deserved time-off now the silly season has ended. So I'll sign off for now and hopefully we will be seeing lots of activity on the RSVP section of the website soon.

Heads-up party goers. Virgin Airlines is having a Black Friday sale with flights to Bali during the wedding period under $500. This is making them almost as cheap as Garuda! 

Well that will teach us for blogging too early…turns out we had everything completely wrong. I can hear your shocked gasps from here!

Before we explain ourselves, let us provide a little background. When we first decided Bali Brides was the one for us, we were invited by the Owner/Manager of the company, Tristan Moy, to an initial ‘consult’. A quick google search provided a hit from the Sunday Mail back in 2020 which confirmed two things for us…1. We chose WELL! (boys don’t google while the missus is in the house!), and 2. The consult was more likely a vetting interview to see if Tristan wanted us as clients. Knowing us as we do, Bruce told Taz to be on her best behaviour before the interview but he still didn’t hold out much hope. To our absolute surprise we hit it off immediately. This suggested  that either Tristan is a terrible judge of character or she is as dark and twisted as we are! When she then palmed us off to the She-Devil of Denpasar it cleared up that question very quickly! Hence why Bruce now refers to her (in private where nobody can hear him) as the Dark Queen of Kuta! 

Anyway, during tonight’s Teams meeting with the She-Devil it became clear that it wasn’t the Bali Brides Vlog they wanted us to appear on….oh no,no,no….they have inked a deal with an Australian TV network that is going to follow a number of couples over next year as they plan and execute their weddings in Bali, under the watchful and piercing gaze of the Dark Queen herself……and they wanted us to appear on the show!

OH HELL NO!!!

Even Bruce’s living fear of the She-Devil with the Dark Queen hovering over her shoulder wasn’t enough to sway us. Some of the immediate responses from our friends confirmed this was the right choice;

“That would set back Australia / Indonesia relations by at least two decades”

“You said NO right? Thank God, I need to pour myself a drink”

“Imagine the memories we’d have repeating on YouTube and TikTok forever”

“Could I get them to blur my face with an Emoji?”

“Would the TV station pay for the wedding so you can buy more booze?”

Well there you have it. 15 minutes of infamy was offered and rejected. Despite this both Britta and Tristan still claim we are they’re favourites (but I bet they say that to all the girls!). On the upside tonight’s meeting confirmed for Bruce that he definitely wants to introduce Robby and Ryan (the hard working Balinese lads behind Bali Brides success) to Navy Strength Gin and take them on the Bucks night!

In actual wedding news we locked down part of the timeline. The wedding ceremony will commence at 4pm on the day with arrival drinks from 3.30pm. No need to take notes as this will be on the invitations which will hopefully be in the mail by the end of next week.

We also confirmed the wedding concierge. This will be a one stop phone number for you to WhatsApp once you arrive in Bali to help with any arrangements you need to make around the wedding day/night. Baby sitters, transport, massages, midget strippers…whatever you need.

That is it for this post. Stay tuned!

Well it's been a minute (or a month!) so I thought I'd drop a quick update. We sent Britta an email to set up our next wedding planning facetime and got a response in no-time! Wedding season must be over. But the fact that she signed her email "The She-Devil of Denpasar is what really made me smile :-) Taryn fell off her seat when I admitted that, Yes, I did use those words in a blog post (shows how much Taryn cares about the website!). Apparently it must have made news in the office because we've been invited on the Bali Brides Webcast. As I have a face for radio I'm not sure it's the best idea but I'm too scared of Britta to say no!
 
 Anyway the furniture has mostly been selected so it's time to get down to the tough stuff...flowers and cakes. My suggestions were given their usual level of attention so she who must be obeyed is now trawling through Pinterest to provide "The Vibe" to Britta. I honestly have no clue what that is so I'm keeping out of it. 
 
 In areas where I still hold sway, I can report that we have had samples of our invitations arrive and have decided on the style. To my complete shock (not really) we will be departing from the original colour schemes (as seen on the homepage of this website). You will all soon be receiving an invite that will initially make you think Satan has asked for the pleasure of your company at a gathering of villains. But read carefully because it's just us.More importantly, the AFL fixture for 2026 has dropped. If you're in Bali with us from the 2nd to the 11th you'll be missing Rounds 21 and 22 and some absolute cracker games. But Don't worry, the Carlton v Brisbane blockbuster is the day before we fly out!That's it for now. Chat soon!

Hey everyone, we're back!After a month of solid planning, fretting, fighting and complete mental breakdowns...Taryn's 50th birthday has been run and won. We won't say it went perfectly, mostly because we were too smashed to know either way. But by all reports everyone had a blast so all's well that ends well.Now it is back to Wedding planning. We had a meeting with Big Bad Britta, the She-Devil of Denpasar (her words not mine) and based on some of the stories she was telling us I highly recommend that the single men (and the dodgy married men) don't try hitting on her when you're drunk. By the sounds of it you'll end up bruised and bleeding after "falling" down some steps!Apart from that, we are on to the big decisions...long tables or round tables (somebody kill me). I'd put up a poll but seriously who cares? If you feel strongly either way provide your point of view in the Guestbook. You'll no doubt be as stiffly ignored as I am. There has been some discussion about the fact we have chosen accommodation in Seminyak so I'll give it to you straight. Nusa Dua is beautful and is home to some of the most luxurious resorts in all Indonesia....but after dark it is boring as batshit! So considering that the only thing to do in Nusa Dua is get married, we decided we would spend the rest of our time in the heart of the partying and shopping. In the next couple of months the timeline will start to firm and from January when all the RSVPing has been completed, it will get a shot of viagra and be properly set in concrete. We're hoping to do a welcome to Bali event pre wedding at Azul Beach Club in Legian and maybe a lazy So Long And Thanks For All The Fish* event at La Pancha to let the sun set on our wedding events. But this is all still dreamy planning and can't be taken seriously yet!So to that end, please get your RSVP's done as soon as possible. Till next time...
*This is a Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy reference and if you don't know it I'm not sure why you're invited to my wedding?

Today we got a targetted marketing ad for what could be a very good deal for anyone looking for Bali Accommodation. It's from VIARESORTS and is for 7 nights at the Kuta Paradiso Hotel for less than $400 / couple. Now we haven't stayed there so we can't vouch for it, but it is listed as 4 star and it's right on the beach at Kuta. The link is HERE.It is 15km from the venue which can be up to 40 minutes in traffic.

Public Service Announcement - One of our good friends Tony 'TJ' Latessa is looking for a roomate to split the cost of a room at the 4 Points by Sheraton hotel in Kuta from 01 - 08 August 2026. This is a very nice Mariott hotel that comes highly recommended by friends. IF you're interested let us know and we will put you in contact with TJ.

We have made it back from Bali. Mostly in one piece. Some pox ridden filthbag on the plane has given us some new avian rona variation that even Bruce’s steely constitution has taken a hit from. Poor Renee is delirious with fever in bed. Taryn still hasn’t gotten her voice back but that had gone before we even left so probably can’t be blamed on the flight. At least Sabriel and Sienna seem to have suffered the least. But who cares right? The Wedding Planning is done (mostly)!

 The venue was scoped out and planned to within inches. When Taryn got out a tape measure Bruce decided to go look at a tree that had suddenly become interesting. We checked out the after party dungeon onsite that they use to avoid the curfew laws and it will definitely work…for something…

 The menu is set despite the caterers trying to kill Taryn with some undisclosed tomato in a dish. PSA for people with allergies…You can’t get Epi Pens in Bali! But the catering company was so apologetic, they closed their kitchen for a day to deep clean and avoid cross contamination. They then prepared a feast for us and sent it to our Villa. We decided to keep them even though Britta, our wedding planner, was ready to kill someone! She’s a lovely girl. Would have done well in the Navy!

 Colour palettes are set and appropriate flowers chosen. The ceremony timings are planned. The music is set. The photographer is selected. He’s a bit quiet for my liking so we may need to feed him some beers to get the animal out! 

 We even did some test runs from our preferred accommodation to the venue at the right time of day and it averaged out to 35 minutes from Seminyak. But we are not offering guarantees. Find your driver and trust his local knowledge. Or take your chances in your wedding finery on the back of a scooter. 

 Speaking of accommodation, we have selected a villa in Seminyak for the Bridal Party. It’s only small so there is no rooms left for other guests but we checked out three other villas in Seminyak which were all very good and within minutes of where we are staying. Origin Villa, Impiana Private Villa and Amadea Resort and Villas are all really nice. Of course not everyone will want to stay in Seminyak or pay villa prices so check out the Accommodation page for our recommendations. We looked at them all and you can’t go wrong. That said, we went to all to try and get special deals if we sent bulk bookings their way, and every single one came back with a price nearly 30% more than you can find them on Booking.com or Trivago.  Bali Plus Plus tax seems to get an extra Plus when the word Wedding is used!

 That’s it for this post. For those of you following along on Facebook we hope you enjoyed the nonsense. Stay tuned!

Well it's been a minute. The fact that we haven't updated the blog doesn't mean planning hasn't been happening. We have narrowed down the menu and have booked in a taste test and venue reconnaissance for next month in Bali. Taryn will also be finding a tanning salon for the ladies and trialling her makeup artist of choice (for now...). The lovely Britta from Bali Brides has been working hard making all this fit in our week away and she's also arranging meetings with the celebrant and photographers. So it is full speed ahead with only 3 weeks till we leave for Bali. Wish us luck!

How time flies when you're planning a destination wedding! We can't believe it is the middle of June already and in a few short weeks we will be heading to Bali to finalise all the details for next year. We've locked in the Celebrant, the Photographer, the food and drinks supplier and (much to Bruce's disgust) the Content Creator. You will no doubt hear him whinge endlessly about the fact that he is the actual content creator so why is he paying for some millenial to post some videos with meaningless hashtags and how he could do that himself and how he has a TikTok with 200k+ views and blah blah blah.... I don't have the heart to tell him that he couldn't create good content in a brothel with a fist full of fifties!But enough of the whiney sook. Soon we will be in Bali to lock down the Menu for the reception, the make-up artist, flowers, linen, tables, chairs and the million other little details. We may have to find another content creator to film Bruce's head exploding as Taryn fusses over which napkin goes best with the black chairs only to have to re-visit the decision after she changes her mind to the white chairs! But most importantly, we will be picking the Villa / Resort for the wedding party to stay at and hopefully obtain some special deals for any of the guests who wish to stay there too. Expect the website Accommodation section to be updated around the same time as the AFL Grand Final. Finally, there is a short poll below. We'd really appreciate your input to help us plan some fun at the wedding.That is all for today except to say a huge Thank You to all who have RSVP'd so early as it really does support better planning for us. 

So this is what happens when you go the early crow (as a Carlton supporter Bruce is an expert; he still has PRMR24 number plates for sale if anyone wants them). Anyway, turns out Chrissy isn't available to be our Bali celebrant so it's back to the drawing board on that one. There is a local chap who we will meet in a couple of months when we are there. We're not going to say he's locked in because he may tell us where to go after Bruce asks him if he'll wear a grass skirt for the ceremony!

Today we picked our (Bali) Celebrant...no we're not discarding the crazy Pom but apparently in Indonesia, Marriage Celebrant is a real occupation (not that I'm saying it's not here Vicky....) and it is protected by law. So we have to have a locally sourced celebrant. Of course we have picked another Australian who has moved to Bali (Bruce actually wanted the little Indonesian man who does the ceremonies wearing nothing but a grass skirt, but Taryn said NO). Anyway, Chrissy is her name and we will meet her in August and arrange the splitting of duties between her and Vicky. 

We have selected the caterers for the reception...actually we didn't have much choice because they come with the venue! But, they have lots of good reviews and first hand anecdotes suggest they go alright. The company name is Vivre Catering and we will let you know more after our visit to Bali in August when we do a taste test with them to finalise the menu.

Taryn spent all day yesterday with Jo and Belinda and Sharelle going from Bridal shop to Bridal shop and she has picked a dress. She found 'The One' at Fairytale Brides and is very excited. Apparently everybody cried. Even Bruce....but that was more about the price!(Note: That is NOT the dress in the picture. Apparently none of them thought about that when posting the photo EVERYWHERE!)

The Wedding is OFF!Taryn just made the statement that Empire is the worst Star Wars movie. There's no way we can be together after that!

We met our in country wedding planner (virtually) for the first time tonight. The lovely Britta from Bali Brides will be our go to girl for bringing the whole event together. If you see her on the night please say a big thank you to her because even this far out, we know it isn't going to work without her!

Carlton had their first win in Victoria for the year tonight beating North by a whopping 82 points. Nothing to do with the wedding of course but we just thought you should know :-) 

Looks like we have found our wedding planner. We've been very happy with the communication from Bali Brides so we will be signing them up this week. So from here things like location and timings will start to firm up like an old people's home on viagra delivery day.

Another step closer to bringing this all together. With a foul aftertaste of envelope residue on our tounges, we have got the Save The Date postage pile sorted. These will be going in the mailbox this week so we hope to be seeing a lot more traffic on the website soon. 

Sadly today we found out that Aaron 'Baz' Norley would not be able to attend the wedding and be Bruce's Best Man due to his ongoing comittments to the Royal Australian Navy as Commanding Officer of HMAS Arunta. While this was disappointing, after 30 years in the Navy Bruce completely understands the vagaries of a life chosen to be spent at sea on His Majesty's service. The Silver lining to this is of course Lachlan's promotion from Groomsman to Best Man, a job he will no doubt carry out exceptionally well. This has also made space in the wedding party for another of Bruce's close friends in Rodney 'Hux' Huckstadt. 

Another step in the process was achieved today. The proofs of our save the date cards arrived and we are very happy with the results. These will be appearing in your mailboxes soon!

We have booked a week in Bali for August this year to start tying down the details. We will be staying at Impiana Villas in Seminyak so we will provide a reccomendation on them after the trip. If anyone has any suggestions on their own experiences in Bali and can offer a recommendation for us to add to the accommodation page please let us know directly or through the Guestbook.

Well if you are reading this then Bruce has started to make the website work! This is a major victory in itself and shouldn't be underestimated in its importance.So you have found the website and as you've looked through it you probably realise that it tells you not much at all. That's because the only thing we have confirmed is our Celebrant! We like doing things a little backwards...So lets tell you about what we do know. Our Celebrant...our dear friend Vicky Senior has agreed to support this mad coupling, in fact, she said she wouldn't miss it for the world! Vicky is a pom from Manchester who has made Melbourne home but never lost the accent. Don't worry, a translator will be provided! Vicky's celebrant business is unique in that she doubles up as a marriage counselor. Talk about building a clientele. Check her out at her website.That's it for this edition. We make no promises about regular updates but we will do our best.